No violence required: ‘ Every Republican An Incel!’
A Medium reader was onto something. Seems she wrote an article some years ago about why she won’t date Republicans and, big surprise, she got a lot of flack from Trump fanboys. Seems they took it a leeeeetle personally and she got to wondering why.
She Googled and discovered no one wants to date a Trump voter, except his fangirls, and without the rallies — the OKStupid for horny double-digit IQ Nazis I guess, it’s harder to meet them. Otherwise, once dating app strangers Google your name and find you wearing a MAGAt hat and a Guns Don’t Kill People, Abortions Do T-shirt in a selfie with Rudy Giuliani, it’s game over.
A lovelorn Trumper might be better off admitting they used to bar brawl or be a crack whore. You know, something less embarrassing.
According to a Pew Research report, around 70% of Democrats of either gender overall are far less likely to date Republicans, and especially Trump voters than vice versa. Around half of Republicans would date a Clinton voter and almost three-quarters would date a Democrat.
Why is this? Is it because Republicans are actually more open-minded than Democrats? Or is it that some guys will shag anything that consents? Like, for example, Queen Amina of Zazzua, the human Praying Mantis of African conquerors, famous for killing her partners after having sex with them — which they knew would happen.
“We are truly the dumbest gender.”
The unwillingness of ‘libtardettes’ to date Trump fanboys might be because being partnered with these guys ain’t exactly easy.
Considering how pig-bitin’ mad these guys get at the name ‘Hillary Clinton’, it must not take long for the romance bloom to wilt and the misogyny to set up shop as soon as she gets a promotion at the office.
It must be easier for Trump fangirls with Democrat men, who merely have to adjust to a life without non-consensual genital groping.
When I Googled, ‘Did Donald Trump ruin marriages?’ the first several results were about exactly that, including a Time magazine headline urging one to ‘dump that Trump supporter’. When I Googled ‘Did Joe Biden ruin marriages?’ the results were about Joe and Jill Biden’s happy marriage and lives.
So it seems Donald Trump is bad for wedded bliss. Go figger, considering he’s on his third baby mama and I’m not sure there’s not another one in his future before he either dies or descends fully into dementia. I mean, Melania’s trophy wife expiry date is so ancient I’m beginning to wonder if she smells of sour milk.
So here’s the thing, Luscious Libtards: We have the power!
We have the power to truly MAKE AMERICA GREAT AGAIN!
We can kill off the Republican Party with our Mighty Muffs.
(No no no! I don’t mean like Queen Amina of Zazzua! EWWWW! What we’d have to do BEFORE we killed them! I promised no violence, and I meant it. We don’t need to go to jail for this.)
We need to convince the 30% of Democrats who are willing to date a Trump voter and the nearly 40% who’ll date Republicans to STOP. We need to convince these Democrats to Just Say No to Republican sex. Our motto should be, ‘Every Republican an incel!’
Think of all the energy saved not having to explain to them what a clitoris is!
Like the Brontosaur, these people need to die out. It’s the best thing they can do for their country. When you date and shag Republicans you run the risk of creating baby Republicans.
The kid could take after you but it’s a 50/50 chance — are you willing to potentially sell out your country just because he looks like a young hot Scott Baio? Oh wait, that *is* a young Scott Baio…no, wait, that’s old and conservaturd Scott Baio with a LOT of plastic surgery because he can’t get a date.
Having sex with Republicans gives them no incentive to grow up and care about something other than their investment asset allocation and Georgian ballots. No more action until they watch a few science documentaries, or read a book not written by Ann Coulter. Republican ladies will have to make do with their Trump dildoes and butt plugs. I’m not making this up. You can buy them.
(Although I’m guessing it’s not the Republican ladies who buy the butt plugs.)
I don’t believe we need to trawl out all conservatives. There’s more nuance to the folks who didn’t vote for Trump and no longer support the Republican Party.
I wouldn’t hold their unseemly past against them. We all have times in our lives when, frankly, we sucked as human beings.
Shouldn’t we give these folks credit for wising up, wo/manning up, and growing up? Think of it like an addiction. I have loads of respect for people who kick a lifelong street drugs/alcohol/food/ shopping or whatever addiction. Think of being a Republican as a bad habit they’ve finally kicked. Give her a one-year medallion!
Feh, already incel. Public domain by The Unseen 011101 on Flickr
And like some addictions, the practices were okay at one time but now they’re out of control. I’ve never been a fan of the Republican Party but when I was younger I wouldn’t call them evil. Mostly hopelessly square and out of touch with the modern world.
Many former Republicans have had their come-to-Jesus moment about the party, whether they believe in Jesus or not. It’s especially laudable if they do believe in Jesus and looked around and said, “Dude, that’s just not Christian. I’m outta here.”
#NotAllConservatives are selfish, toxic masculine, white supremacist assholes. Trump voters and a lot of Republicans are, and this description includes Trumpgirls since any chick who votes for a sexual predator has some internalized misogyny she needs to address before she walks blithely into a potentially future Handmaid’s Tale.
Trump voters, Republicans, and their Canadian fanboys are completely off the menu for me. Support Trump, and you’re too toxic and stupid for my attention. Once, there were many shades of Republican.
Now, Republican = Nazis, misogynists, homophobes, racists, and other assorted bigots, not to mention science deniers, conspiracy theorists, and Faux News cultists. The Wrong Side Of History. The Good Little Germans. #YesAllRepublicans.
The Far Left’s extremists fight their blanket villains (white people, male people, white male people) and embrace their own science-denying ideologies (anti-vaxx, gender genetics). Political beliefs span a wide spectrum; not every liberal melts down over some word Twitter decided fifteen minutes ago is bad, and not every conservative is immune to compassion.
When you’ve moved closer to the Murky Middle like I have in recent years thanks to mutual pushing from both sides, men just t’other side of center aren’t much different.
I had an on-again-off-again relationship with a conservative years ago. In the early ’90s, it was still permissible in the Republican Party to have a brain, as long as you didn’t use it too much.
He was a good egg, back then. Today he’s mired in conspiracy theories and has swung far more to the right, but doesn’t post racist or misogynist content. Childhood-rooted psychological problems he had begun to manifest decades ago have clearly gotten worse, so I cut him some slack. He’s always been challenged differentiating between fantasy and reality.
Still, he’s also posted a lot less about Trump in recent months, as have some of my other few conservative Facebook friends. Trump is slowly bleeding identified Republicans. It remains to be seen whether there are enough undecideds yet to relegate the party to fringie wackadoo status.
Democrats and liberals willing to cross the political divide, you need to stop at ‘Republican’ and ‘Trump voter’. These people need to die out. We don’t want to hurt them. We won’t hunt them like The Most Dangerous Game. (Besides, unlike endangered animals, Republicans can shoot back.)
Let’s all agree to vote with our crotches. Lips that kiss Trump’s ring (or something else) shall never touch ours. The United States will become ‘minority white’ by 2045; we can make it markedly more BLUE by agreeing to Just Say No To Sex With Republicans!
Joe Biden has gotten more shit done in his first hundred days than the Orange Menace pulled off in four years. Say what you like about him being a pre-Boomer Another Old White Man, but seriously, would you like the other guy back?
If you said yes, please raise your hand so the rest of us can remember what you look like.
This first appeared on Medium in May 2021.