How To Breed A Misogynist

Updated: Jan 9

Ben was bred to hate the way some women are bred to be victims

Photo by Tycho Atsma on Unsplash

Ben scowled in his profile photo and oozed contempt for all things female with every word. He targeted every new woman on the social media platform like an estrogen-seeking guided missile.

He left snarky misogynist comments, hoping to spark fights with feminists. His spelling and grammar were pretty good for an Angry White Man but his thoughts so jumbled they often weren’t coherent.

The moment I strayed from business topics like ‘But What Are You SELLING?’ and ‘Who Really Needs A Company Blog?’ and ‘Hamlet For Goldfish’, (okay, worst business article title ever) to a call for more forgiveness for others, he emerged to leave an irrelevant rant about gun rights. I hadn’t mentioned guns or rights. I ignored him.

When I wrote a female-centered middle-of-the-road article about LinkedIn women complaining about sexism, Ben introduced me to the acronym MGTOW — Men Going Their Own Way.

He loved to go on about MGTOW. His goal was to put women back in our place, threatening us with what he claimed were our ever-decreasing value to men.

The new platform skewed toward older members rather than easily-triggered younger women, so us dumb feminist broads, as he saw us, weren’t much threatened by a powerless dumpy dipstick who claimed a VP role in healthcare systems and had chosen a ratbag Third World country to live in. He wanted us to understand he’d removed himself from the dating scene and he was one more man you’ll never ensnare in your dirty little clutches, you ungrateful man-hating broads!!!

To which we digitally glanced at each other, shrugged, and said, “Thank you!”

His transparent, tissue-thin armor revealed a man broken by his own perceived lack of power. There’s nothing new about Men Who Go Their Own Way; real MGTOWs just do it without alerting CNN.

Women Who Go Their Own Way (I am one) do the same. We just live our lives without an ostentatious publicity campaign. Because M/WGTOWs don’t care what the rest of you do. We’ve got shit to do of our own.

Ben was a lone Angry White Man on a new blogging platform, with about ten million users. He was the only one who needed a warning label. He had a story, and I guessed it wasn’t pretty.

His monothematic articles reiterated how awful women were, how we were gold-diggers, only wanted rich good-looking tall men, how love and romance and marriage were a sham, how we mistreated men and made them feel like nothing.

The last seemed directly related to a devastating event when a partner banished him to the couch. I felt sympathy for his clear pain, but I wondered what life with him must have been like.

Emerging from my own Angry Drunken Bitch phase, I couldn’t fault the guy for being angry if he’d been disappointed in love. Hey, that’s how it often starts, bad treatment by the opposite sex.

Plus, I recognize today’s feminism manifests a toxic antagonism to men including stereotype man-haters (La plus ça change…). Good, decent men are being driven into the arms of misogynist MRAs, an initially-sound movement which had long since been hijacked by haters. I have a personal mandate to reach out to those men who haven’t yet given themselves over to the Dark Side. They are our brothers in sensible, rational gender relations. We need to befriend and de-Ben them.

There was no engaging on any adult level with him, though I tried.

Ben was too angry to reach. He kept insulting me and trying to pick fights, the Lone Angry White Man most regarded more with pity than anger, including the other male subscribers.

How to breed a misogynist

Little details began to emerge.

Ben ran away from home, joined the military, and made it clear his life lesson was his utter worthlessness to others.

He moved to one of the most misogynist countries in the world. Big surprise.

Now he’s a Rich American in a desperate country where ‘bride napping’ is a huge human rights issue. I wonder how that plays out for his sex life.

He says he’s ‘training’ the future generations of men for the ‘realities’ of dating in the Western world, once again hoping to scare us gals into thinking guys like him have us figured out, soon the gravy train’s going to end and men like him will be back in charge to undo everything feminism ruined.

I regard him as a public service filter, removing the most toxic men from the singles world. He’s clear he doesn’t meet Western women’s exacting standards. That anger toward purple squirrel daters is somewhat justified. Although who would want to be with someone that angry?

He reminds me of women who complain about all the bad men in the world but never ask what they themselves have to offer, or why they’re attracted to bad men, and vice versa.

Ben noted when the family homestead got leveled he couldn’t imagine a more fitting end for the scene of the ‘shitshow’ he grew up in.

More details emerged.

His father left when he was small. He never knew him.

His mother told Ben he was a mistake and his father was worthless.

She had a real thing for ‘worthless’. She remarried, and Ben and his siblings suffered numerous cruelties. He witnessed his stepfather murder his mother while he was still in grade school. Ben felt responsible because he’d mentioned she was looking to replace Stepdad after she divorced him.

Her murderer got off, Ben claims, by buying the courts off.

Hubby #3 wouldn’t have been an improvement as Ben claimed Mom was shopping in the prison systems.

He says he attempted suicide many times when he was younger.

He was one angry mofo.

When speaking of abused women you often hear, “She was raised in an abusive family; it’s the only thing she knows! She doesn’t understand love doesn’t have to come with abuse! That there’s such a thing as healthy, functional relationships! Don’t blame the victim!”

No argument here. 110% agreement.

Feminists and anti-violence activists too often forget the other victims of violence — the men trained to be violent in horrible environments.

I didn’t like Ben much but I couldn’t hate him. He wasn’t wrong about everything, and I recognized a fellow psychological miscreant. Sure, there was a level of romantic entitlement thwarted in his posts. I could relate.

It would be easier to hate him without knowing his story. Social media’s global hatefest offers fatuous explanations and a Manichaean view of humanity: Simplistic cartoon comprehension of evil, people suck, white people are privileged, black people are racist and in denial, feminism ruined everything and The Patriarchy ruins humanity. Trumpies are all stupid. SJWs hate everybody.

Less do we ask, “How did that person get to be the way s/he is?”

Do feminists ever look ‘under the misogynist hood’?

Abuse breeds abusers

Some have told me they feel like robots or zombies, that they feel their bodies are empty or filled with straw, not flesh and blood, that instead of having veins and nerves they have ropes or cords. One inmate told me he feels like “food that is decomposing.” — James Gilligan

James Gilligan detailed his career as a prison psychologist in his now-classic book Violence: Reflection On A National Epidemic.

He describes some of the horrible physical, sexual and psychological abuse these former innocent boys underwent by parents and caretakers. His summary of them as the ‘living dead’ describes their own subjective experience.

Gilligan felt he was living in “cloud-cuckoo-land” when “…I hear people suggesting that capital punishment will deter murder and induce more ‘reverence for