Top Ten Things A Yuppie Princess Would Say


1. What’s up with all the swords here? Y’know, we could kick some serious ass if we’d just brought some guns.
2. There is no way I am putting on that wedding dress unless it’s a Versace.
3. If that witch was any more of a feminist she’d be burning Hugh Hefner in effigy and locking arms with her fellow hairy-legged stinky-armpitted sisters at the Gloria Steinem pep rally singing, I Am Woman Hear Me Bore.
4. Tell those blasted peasants begging for scraps with their stupid wooden bowls to GET A FREAKING JOB!!!
5. Royalty is so cool. Do you think we could pass an amendment to the Bill of Rights to make Ronald Reagan King-For-Life?
6. If that bulbous-nosed frizzy-haired Hackensack Horror is really a prince, then I’m Nancy Reagan’s left tit.
7. I simply can’t live in this castle. There’s no air conditioning and no valet parking for my car. Mostly because these bass-ackwards savages don’t even have cars. The choice Beemer I’m going to have some day will never require cleaning up after it with a shovel.
8. Y’know this vassal-serf thing works well for me. Maybe we can bring it back to the U.S. Republicans can be vassals to Ronald Reagan and the loser liberals can be our lowly, stupid slaves. Er, I mean serfs.
9. You know that I kinda like about the medieval times? No ‘social safety net,’ as liberals call it, or, ‘handouts to lazy-ass government-teat-sucking couch potatoes’ as conservatives like to call it, if you want to eat you’ve got to sing for your supper. Or dance for it, as Raven and I did.
10. Good God, what do you MEAN the fork hasn’t been invented yet?!?!