Proctologists: The Aliens Walk Among Us

If aliens really do live among us, they probably get health insurance payments for probing our butts now. I wonder if it’s covered under Obamacare?


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Nocturnal Commission

Just in time for Halloween, here’s a humourous short story I wrote for my writing group last year about a very horny ghost and his ex-hippie (and still living) lover. (Remember: If you’re going to make it with a ghost, practice safe hex! Always wear a con-doom!!!) NOCTURNAL COMMISSION by Nicole Chardenet I’ll admit, I only banished the randy wraith after the sex stopped being...
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Hot Chicks, Scorpion Death & the Best Seller Challenge

It supposedly takes 5,000 sales for a novel to become a best seller in Canada and I’m on my way. Sumer Lovin’ is available on Amazon, Barnes & Noble and through Red Tuque Books, my publisher’s distributor for libraries and independent book stores, although anyone can order through them, and can even order one copy. The book is not currently available at...
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The Sumer Lovin’ Book Launch & Free Giveaway!

It was my friend Archer who pointed out just how naughty the Stealth Sexual Fountain in the Eaton Centre shopping mall in downtown Toronto really was. “Have you ever noticed how the fountain itself is a phallic symbol in a big round bowl, and the water slowly builds up in the bowl, like sexual excitement, and then when the bowl is full it all of a sudden drains down somewhere underneath the...
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Let’s Get Metaphysical

I first heard of the New Age back in 1987, when someone showed me a Wall Street Journal article about the Harmonic Convergence, this metaphysical hoozamathingy that was supposed to happen that August. I remember it had something about a topless woman with branches in her hair like antlers “resonating in a cave” and I had no idea what any of that meant. Three years later, when I...
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Sex, Lies & Fiction

The first fiction I remember creating was when I was four. Mom & Dad asked me who coloured with crayons on the driveway. I said it was the neighbourhood dogs. If I recall correctly the initial reviews of my work were poor and resulted in being sent to bed early without any dessert. They totally didn’t buy it. I later learned that fiction is okay as long as it’s clearly labelled, or...
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