Sex Assault, Reverse Donald Trump-Style

donald-trump-ted-cruzSo you think the exchanges between Donald Trump and Billy Bush were just ‘locker room talk’? That that’s the way a lot of men talk? I’ll bet the ‘locker room talk’ defenders would change their tune if the Trump-Bush exchange had gone down like this:




Donald Trump: You know and I moved on him actually. You know he was down on Palm Beach.

Unknown: He used to be great. He’s still very handsome.

Trump: I moved on him and I failed. I’ll admit it.

Trump: I did try and fuck him. He was married.

Unknown: That’s huge news.

Trump: No, no, Nathan. No this was — and I moved on him very heavily, in fact, I took him out furniture shopping. He wanted to get some furniture. I said I’ll show you where they have some nice furniture. I took him out furniture. I moved on him like a bitch, but I couldn’t get there, and he was married. Then all of a sudden I see him, he’s now got the big phony pecs and everything. He’s totally changed his look.

Bush: Sheesh, your boy’s hot as shit. In the purple.

Various: Whoa! Yes! Whoa!

Bush: Yes! The Donald has scored. Whoa, my man!

Trump: Look at you. You are a cock.

Trump: Maybe it’s a different one.

Bush: It better not be the publicist. No, it’s him. It’s —

Trump: Yeah, that’s him. With the gold. I better use some Tic Tacs just in case I start kissing him. You know I’m automatically attracted to handsome — I just start kissing them. It’s like a magnet. Just kiss. I don’t even wait. And when you’re a star they let you do it. You can do anything.

Bush: Whatever you want.

Trump: Grab them by the cock. You can do anything.

Bush: Yeah those legs, all I can see is the legs.

Trump: Oh, it looks good.

Bush: Come on, shorty.

Trump: Oh, nice legs, huh?

Bush: Oof, get out of the way, bad boy. Oh, that’s good legs. Go ahead.

Trump: It’s always good if you don’t fall out of the bus. Like Ford, Gerald Ford, remember?

Bush: Down below. Pull the handle.

Trump: Hello, how are you, hi.

Hot-Looking Man: Hi Mr. Trump. How are you?

Trump: Nice seeing you. Terrific, terrific. You know Billy Bush?

Bush: Hello, nice to see you. How you doing?

Hot-Looking Man: I’m doing very well, thank you. Are you ready to be a soap star?

Trump: We’re ready, let’s go. Make me a soap star.

Bush: How about a little hug for the Donald? He just got off the bus.

Hot-Looking Man: Would you like a little hug, hot stuff?

Trump: Absolutely. Melania said this was OK.

Bush: How about a little hug for the Bushy? I just got off the bus. Here we go. Excellent. Well you’ve got a nice co-star here.

Trump: Good. After you.

Trump: Come on, Billy, don’t be shy.

Bush: Soon as a hot man shows up he just, he takes off. This always happens.

Hot-Looking Man: I’m sorry, come here.

Bush: Let the little guy in here, come on.

Hot-Looking Man: Yeah, let the little guy in. How you feel now? Better? I should actually be in the middle.

Bush: It’s hard to walk next to a guy like this. Yeah, you get in the middle. There we go.

Trump: Good. That’s better.

Hot-Looking Man: This is much better. This is —

Trump: That’s better.

Bush: Now, if you had to choose honestly between one of us. Me or the Donald?

Trump: I don’t know, that’s tough competition.

Hot-Looking Man: That’s some pressure right there.

Bush: Seriously, you had to take one of us as a date.

Hot-Looking Man: I have to take the Fifth on that one. Yep, I’ll take both.




Nicole Chardenet is a freelance writer and rogue sales chick who thinks some guys wouldn’t think sexual assault is so funny if they had to live with it themselves. Obviously, she’s not talking about you because you would never do that and have too much class to talk that way. Nicole can be reached at if you’d like to engage her for freelance work.

Tags: , , , , , ,